Kim Jong Un is actually a hero

You guys don’t know anything. Kim Jong Un is actually a hero. This Switzerland educated modern age savior did not ask for the responsibility of saving the planet, and yet his father had tasked him with that heavy responsibility on his death bed. In his last few moments before passing, Kim Jong Il explained to his son the horrible truth: There are horrific monsters lurking under the earth’s mantle! It was their sacred duty to rid the planet from those monsters. They couldn’t reveal the truth to the rest of the world, for fear of causing panic and mass hysteria. Kim Jong Il reached out for help to the Bush administration, and to avoid surveillance, and for the purpose of plausible deniability, they used a famous basketball player who flew to North Korea, witnessed some of the captured monsters with his own eyes, and came back to the US to give a deposition to the US secret service. Upon learning of the horrible truth, George Bush decided to help North Korea by sending a team of nuclear physicists. Nobody could know about this of course, and that was the moment one of the longest running farces has been crafted. Copying from Nixon’s “Madman Theory”, they agreed that the North Korean leadership must appear to be insane, for if any images of the monsters leak from North Korea (despite their iron hold on information and their strict censorship), the rest of the world would automatically assume it’s a joke and would never take anything coming from North Korea seriously. So Ladies & Gentlemen, now that you know the truth, please join me in supporting his excellence, Kim Jong Un. Him and his heroic people are sacrificing themselves every day so that we may live in blissful ignorance, buying our Salted Caramel ice cream, our iPhones and our Teslas, while North Koreans die fighting monsters.

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2 thoughts on “Kim Jong Un is actually a hero

  1. Kim Jong Un is my hero.

    Power grows from the barrel of a gun, and in his case, nuclear deterrence from racial genocide and American imperialism.

    Like

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