Masturbating with an Apple Watch on helps you hatch eggs in Pokémon Go

Masturbating with an Apple Watch on helps you hatch eggs in Pokémon Go

I’ve been doing my more-than-average holiday masturbation the past few days. Last holiday I was the lucky receiver of a new Apple Watch, which I haven’t used much aside from to collect walking distance on Pokémon Go. I realized over the last few days that masturbating with the watch on has been getting me 0.4-0.6km walking credit for each fap. I was amazed at finding a productive use of the Apple Watch so I did some quick calculations:

My penis is about 15cm long, which means I am getting a solid 3,300 full base-to-head strokes in to get an average of 0.5km. I’ve surmised that the last 10% of strokes gravitate around the upper half of my shaft and head, though. This means I’m getting somewhere a solid 2,970 full strokes and 330 upper half strokes in per wank. Some of that distance could be me sprinting to get a towel that I’ve inevitably forgotten, though.

Nothing is more rewarding than choking your chicken and then turning on Pokémon to see you’ve hatched an egg or two in the process. Really makes me feel like a chicken.

I should get out of the house more.

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